Even the bartender felt bad for me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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