Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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