yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Randomize