never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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