Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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