woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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