you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
