Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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