My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize