i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize