Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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