He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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