just come out here and I will go home with you...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
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She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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