I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize