I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
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He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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