i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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