It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize