To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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