apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize