My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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