I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
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I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
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I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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