Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize