it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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