Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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