so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
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What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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