I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
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He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize