and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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