I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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