fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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