that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
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you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a waste of cheezeits
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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