i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
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She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
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my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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