im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize