I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize