my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize