I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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