I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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