there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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