she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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