I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
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He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
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It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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