That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize