So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
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Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
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So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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