dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do vagina's smell?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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