Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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