Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
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When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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