seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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