I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
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You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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