You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
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Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
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The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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