I wish you could order shots online.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize