i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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