Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize